The Fag Challenge!


The Mission!
Whilst on holiday in Greece (Malia in Crete to be precise!), I thought it would be nice if I could bring a little something back, and because the Greek government don't appear to be the money thieving bastards that Tony Blair and Co are, the fags are cheap as chips! For about 10 Euros, I managed to buy 6 packs of High and not so high (pretty shite actually) quality fags.
The Fags!

This was the UK's Number 1 fag at the turn of the century! I think who ever was taking the the photo must have been a right 'stud', with our favorite fag posing in that position, slightly bent over, uneasy smile, he's either got the biggest stiffy of his life, or the geezer in the red suit kept on searching his crevice for chocolate brownies! Anyway, onto the fags u want in your mouth and not in your bum!
As I said previously, there was a choice of 6 types, here they are..
- Leader
- Lucky Strike
- Old Navy
- Next
- Oscar
- Magnum.

The Lineup.
(After Thomas stole the Lucky Strike)

The Testing!

Right, so onto the testing itself, first up was 'A', better known as Lucky Strike, just as well really as these were tho only fags that I managed to keep the name covered up on, to be honest the others didn't really matter as who the hell has heard of Old Navy??

Thomas inspecting our state of the art test lab
Kevin wandering towards our test lab
Free fags, w00t!

Lucky Strike...

As I said previously, first up was Lucky Strike, these cost a whooping €2.70 (about £1.85 to us English who've so far reaslised how bollocks the euro is, but thats a different story!). With the cigarette clinched hard around the butt covering the name, Thomas took a nice big toke. Maybe it was the prospect for free fags or just the nicotine hit, but he was soon smiling. After a few samples of it he proclaimed that it was a bit weak, Kev agreed. At this point I realised we lacked an ash tray, so being the man that I am, I quickly downed my stella to make way for a thoroughly bitched slapped, half smoked, Lucky Strike fag. Anyway, it was soon onto....

Oscar... These were the only '100s' I brought back from Greece, as always, Thomas seemed happy to have this long shaft in his hand and soon sparked up. After a few puffs and a few erms, he described them as 'the tobacco equivalent of shandy', which I thought was a bit odd as these were the strongest of them all! Kevin agreed, stating that 'they're like air, but nice', they then gave their marks. Clearly judging by the them, they were pretty shite, or Kev would smoke anything, I think the latter option is the likely choice!
Old Navy... Onto Old Navy Kevs description of Old Navy was quite apt, when you think 'Old Navy', you think old wooden ships, taking potato staved Irish to America to inflict there useless inventions and disgusting drink on them, that could possibly be why Kevin described them as' Woody, errh yes, they're quite Steven Scott' (in joke!!), Steven would also be happy to know that they were also described as appreciable. Tom's turn, his opinion was quite different to that of Kev's, saying that they were Spicy, Tangy and different. Blimey, so one things its a sherbet dip and the other thinks of rotting wood! One thing neither of them knew at the time was that this were the ultra lights!

Next... Before you ask, no these aren't Next clothes brand of fags, but costing only €0.80 (about 50p) for 20, these were the cheapest. So, what about the taste, unbelievably they both loved it! Thomas said that it feels good, tasting organic like, then after another go he said, that it tasted of nettles and coal, maybe the nitatine was going to his head!! Kevin agreed on the organic theme saying it tasted 'green and grassy' also stating that it was a good cigarette and not to heavy with tar.
Leader... When you think leader, you think Gary Glitter and child abuse, was this the fag that would make their dicks go hard? The short sharp answer is No, Tom said that they were ordinary and just like any other fag, kev also likened it to white bread; ... Economy, Kingsmill or hovis, it;ll be one of those secrets he takes to the grave!
Magnum... Now, with a name like this, you'd think that its going to punch a whole through your lungs, it didn't disappoint! Long before this point, both Thomas and Kev had complained about the fags beginning to get a bit 'samey', this was to change with one toke. Thomas breathed in and instantly said, that's strong. After a few more he said it was a strong and dense cigarette. Kevins turn, after a few satisfying goes, he proclaimed how he likes it and the way it 'leaves flem in the throat', soon adding 'this is a killer!' and how its most satisfying. Did they like it or was it too strong, find out below....

The Scores!

So, taking all of this into account, what were the 'scores' for each brand?

Brand Price Tom Kev Total
Lucky Strike 2.70 4 5 9
Oscar 2.30 3 4 7
Old Navy 1.90 6 7 13
Next 0.80 8 7 15
Leader 1.00 5 6 11
Magnum 1.40 7 8 15


So the cheapest were the joint best, so next time you see someone buying ecomey fags, they might actually be onto a good thing!! At the end of the night, Thomas and Kevin both stole a few samples, Kevin unsurprisingly stole the 'Most Satisfying' Magnum and also Leader, leaving Thomas to surprisingly take the Lucky Strike, maybe he just likes the brand name?? So this left me with Next, which always went down a treat with anyone I offered one to, Old Navy which I gave to Thomas one night down the pub and also Oscar which are still on my desk, they can be a festive treat me thinks :o)

And the moral of the story? Well if you believe everything the government says, smoking is bad for you, like sitting on the bog all day at work isn't going to help your career! Both offer a satisfying break from life (unless your smoking Oscar or your constipated!!) one is just free and the other u have to pay four quid for 20! My word of advice, next time you need a fag, have a good crap instead!!


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