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The
Fag Challenge!
| The
Mission! |
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| Whilst
on holiday in Greece (Malia in Crete to be precise!), I thought
it would be nice if I could bring a little something back,
and because the Greek government don't appear to be the money
thieving bastards that Tony Blair and Co are, the fags are
cheap as chips! For about 10 Euros, I managed to buy 6 packs
of High and not so high (pretty shite actually) quality fags. |
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| The
Fags! |
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This
was the UK's Number 1 fag at the turn of the century!
I think who ever was taking the the photo must have
been a right 'stud', with our favorite fag posing
in that position, slightly bent over, uneasy smile,
he's either got the biggest stiffy of his life,
or the geezer in the red suit kept on searching
his crevice for chocolate brownies! Anyway, onto
the fags u want in your mouth and not in your bum!
As I said previously, there was a choice of 6 types,
here they are..
- Leader
- Lucky Strike
- Old Navy
- Next
- Oscar
- Magnum.
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The
Lineup.
(After Thomas stole the Lucky
Strike)
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| The
Testing! |
Right,
so onto the testing itself, first up was 'A', better known
as Lucky Strike, just as well really as these were tho
only fags that I managed to keep the name covered up on,
to be honest the others didn't really matter as who the
hell has heard of Old Navy??
| Lucky
Strike... |
As
I said previously, first up was Lucky Strike, these
cost a whooping €2.70 (about £1.85 to
us English who've so far reaslised how bollocks
the euro is, but thats a different story!). With
the cigarette clinched hard around the butt covering
the name, Thomas took a nice big toke. Maybe it
was the prospect for free fags or just the nicotine
hit, but he was soon smiling. After a few samples
of it he proclaimed that it was a bit weak, Kev
agreed. At this point I realised we lacked an ash
tray, so being the man that I am, I quickly downed
my stella to make way for a thoroughly bitched slapped,
half smoked, Lucky Strike fag. Anyway, it was soon
onto....
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| Oscar... |
These
were the only '100s' I brought back from Greece, as
always, Thomas seemed happy to have this long shaft
in his hand and soon sparked up. After a few puffs
and a few erms, he described them as 'the tobacco
equivalent of shandy', which I thought was a bit odd
as these were the strongest of them all! Kevin agreed,
stating that 'they're like air, but nice', they then
gave their marks. Clearly judging by the them, they
were pretty shite, or Kev would smoke anything, I
think the latter option is the likely choice! |
| Old
Navy... |
Onto
Old Navy Kevs description of Old Navy was quite apt,
when you think 'Old Navy', you think old wooden ships,
taking potato staved Irish to America to inflict there
useless inventions and disgusting drink on them, that
could possibly be why Kevin described them as' Woody,
errh yes, they're quite Steven Scott' (in joke!!),
Steven would also be happy to know that they were
also described as appreciable. Tom's turn, his opinion
was quite different to that of Kev's, saying that
they were Spicy, Tangy and different. Blimey, so one
things its a sherbet dip and the other thinks of rotting
wood! One thing neither of them knew at the time was
that this were the ultra lights! |
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| Next... |
Before
you ask, no these aren't Next clothes brand of fags,
but costing only €0.80 (about 50p) for 20, these
were the cheapest. So, what about the taste, unbelievably
they both loved it! Thomas said that it feels good,
tasting organic like, then after another go he said,
that it tasted of nettles and coal, maybe the nitatine
was going to his head!! Kevin agreed on the organic
theme saying it tasted 'green and grassy' also stating
that it was a good cigarette and not to heavy with
tar. |
| Leader... |
When
you think leader, you think Gary Glitter and child
abuse, was this the fag that would make their dicks
go hard? The short sharp answer is No, Tom said that
they were ordinary and just like any other fag, kev
also likened it to white bread; ... Economy, Kingsmill
or hovis, it;ll be one of those secrets he takes to
the grave! |
| Magnum... |
Now,
with a name like this, you'd think that its going
to punch a whole through your lungs, it didn't disappoint!
Long before this point, both Thomas and Kev had complained
about the fags beginning to get a bit 'samey', this
was to change with one toke. Thomas breathed in and
instantly said, that's strong. After a few more he
said it was a strong and dense cigarette. Kevins turn,
after a few satisfying goes, he proclaimed how he
likes it and the way it 'leaves flem in the throat',
soon adding 'this is a killer!' and how its most satisfying.
Did they like it or was it too strong, find out below.... |
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| The
Scores! |
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So, taking all of this into account, what were the 'scores'
for each brand?
| Brand |
Price |
Tom |
Kev |
Total |
| Lucky
Strike |
2.70 |
4 |
5 |
9 |
| Oscar |
2.30 |
3 |
4 |
7 |
| Old
Navy |
1.90 |
6 |
7 |
13 |
| Next |
0.80 |
8 |
7 |
15 |
| Leader |
1.00 |
5 |
6 |
11 |
| Magnum |
1.40 |
7 |
8 |
15 |
So
the cheapest were the joint best, so next time you see someone
buying ecomey fags, they might actually be onto a good thing!!
At the end of the night, Thomas and Kevin both stole a few
samples, Kevin unsurprisingly stole the 'Most Satisfying'
Magnum and also Leader, leaving Thomas to surprisingly take
the Lucky Strike, maybe he just likes the brand name?? So
this left me with Next, which always went down a treat with
anyone I offered one to, Old Navy which I gave to Thomas
one night down the pub and also Oscar which are still on
my desk, they can be a festive treat me thinks :o)
And
the moral of the story? Well if you believe everything the
government says, smoking is bad for you, like sitting on
the bog all day at work isn't going to help your career!
Both offer a satisfying break from life (unless your smoking
Oscar or your constipated!!) one is just free and the other
u have to pay four quid for 20! My word of advice, next
time you need a fag, have a good crap instead!!
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